I have started this fortnightly blog slot which I’ve called chuckles due to popular demand. A lot of these funnies have been emailed to me through the years and they’ve sat in my inbox. Occasionally I’ve shared them on Facebook and I’ve had a great response. People have told me how much they’ve brightened their day. It was suggested that I blog them so I am. Please note there is no offence meant in any of these jokes, if you take offence then that is because of your outlook, not mine. All I want is to make people laugh, I will never post anything that I think victimises anyone.
It’s funny how the first screw to shake loose in a person’s head is usually the one which holds their freakin’ tongue in place.
Of course, women don’t work as hard as men… They get it right the first time.
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’
A man was telling his neighbour, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’
‘Really,’ answered the neighbour. ‘What kind is it?’
A sexually active middle-aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years, they had become loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anaesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.
“I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation”!
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. “I felt so sad for you because you went through this all by yourself.”
“The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago.”
“And what about the third rose?” she asked.
“That’s from a man in the burn unit – he wanted to thank you for his new ears.”