I have started this fortnightly blog slot which I’ve called chuckles due to popular demand. A lot of these funnies have been emailed to me through the years and they’ve sat in my inbox. Occasionally I’ve shared them on Facebook and I’ve had a great response. People have told me how much they’ve brightened their day. It was suggested that I blog them so I am. Please note there is no offence meant in any of these jokes, if you take offence then that is because of your outlook, not mine. All I want is to make people laugh, I will never post anything that I think victimises anyone.
A Japanese couple is arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex.
Husband: “Sukitaki. Mojitaka!”
Wife replies: “Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!”
Husband says angrily: “Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!”
Wife, on her knees, literally begging: “Mimi Nakoundinda tinkouji!”
Husband shouts angrily: “Na miaou kin Tim Kouji!”
I can’t believe you just sat there trying to read this!
You don’t know any Japanese!
You’ll read anything as long as it’s about sex…
Sometimes I worry about you.
You’re in need of serious help!
“Mr Murphy, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court judge said, “And I have decided to give your wife €775 a week.”
“That’s very fair your honour,” the husband said, “And every now and then I will try to send her a few quid myself.”
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Do I know her?’
‘This woman, is she good looking?’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
‘Because she can still drive!’
Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that…I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’
Jacob, age 81 and Rebecca, age 80, living in Miami, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”
Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course, we do.”
Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds.”
Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”
Jacob: “How about suppositories?”
Pharmacist: “You bet!”
Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The Works.”
Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”
Pharmacist: “We sure do.”
Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”
Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”
Jacob: “Adult diapers?”
Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”